Perpetrators and Victims: The Role of Reconciliation in Systemic Constellations

Systemic Constellation, pioneered by the German psychotherapist Bert Hellinger, is a therapeutic method that focuses on analyzing and addressing unconscious family dynamics. At the heart of this method lies the dynamic between perpetrators and victims.

Hellinger’s theory emphasizes that traumas endured by earlier generations—through events such as wars, violence, or personal tragedies—are often transmitted unconsciously to subsequent generations, influencing the lives of their descendants. The notion of reconciliation between perpetrator and victim is a central therapeutic principle in systemic constellation work. According to this view, only by accepting the events of the past and releasing the associated pain can balance be restored to the family system.

1. The Dynamics of the Perpetrator–Victim Relationship

In Hellinger’s approach, the relationship between a perpetrator and a victim is not confined to the initial traumatic incident. His theory examines how such traumas can repeat and be carried through the generations, forming an invisible web of emotions such as guilt, shame, and fear. This chain of dysfunctional relationships may manifest in various ways—including anxiety, isolation, or self-destructive behavior—which often appear to have no obvious connection to the family’s history.

Systemic constellation allows these unconscious connections to surface. According to Hellinger, every family has a “conscience” — a kind of collective awareness — that functions to maintain a sense of unity and belonging among its members. However, this collective conscience can become distorted by the repetition of trauma, leading to feelings of guilt whenever someone attempts to break away from the destructive patterns being perpetuated.

2. Reconciliation as the Key to Healing

Reconciliation between perpetrators and victims is considered the cornerstone for restoring psychological balance and facilitating healing within a family system. Hellinger emphasizes that true healing cannot be achieved solely by condemning the perpetrator or by exonerating the victim. Instead, reconciliation requires an honest recognition and acceptance of reality, without any desire for revenge.

In this process, the perpetrator remains in a state of “powerlessness” until a movement toward reconciliation comes from the victim. The victim holds the key to reconciliation, because only they can initiate healing by accepting what happened. Such acceptance does not imply condoning the perpetrator’s actions; rather, it involves acknowledging the perpetrator’s humanity, which in turn allows balance to be restored.

This journey toward reconciliation is often difficult and painful. The victim must work through feelings of grief, anger, and pain, permitting themselves to move beyond the trauma. Importantly, reconciliation does not mean denying or forgetting what happened; it means accepting the reality of the events, which creates space for healing—for both the victim and the perpetrator.

3. The Role of Descendants in Reconciliation

In many cases, the descendants of both victims and perpetrators find themselves grappling with the unresolved traumas of their forebears. These inherited traumas often manifest as emotions the younger generation cannot readily explain—such as inexplicable fear, guilt, or anger. Without realizing it, descendants may live out the unfinished conflicts of their ancestors, unwittingly repeating the roles of victim and perpetrator.

Systemic constellation provides these descendants an opportunity to identify and break these hidden dynamics. By bringing buried traumas to light and accepting them, descendants can free themselves from burdens that were unconsciously imposed on them. Hellinger suggests that reconciliation between victims and perpetrators must be embraced by future generations as well in order to achieve complete healing within the family system.

4. Recognition and Acceptance: The First Step Toward Reconciliation

The first—and perhaps most challenging—aspect of the healing process is acknowledging what truly happened. In systemic constellation work, all members of the family system are encouraged to accept the truth of the events, no matter how painful that truth may be. This acknowledgment is essential for healing; without recognizing the traumas, those wounds will continue to influence the system.

Importantly, the process of acceptance cannot be forced. As Hellinger observes, peace can be achieved only when every member of the family system—both the living and the deceased—is acknowledged and accepted for their part. This acceptance involves not only a factual recognition of what happened, but also an emotional acceptance of the roles each member played in the family’s history. Only then can genuine healing begin.

5. Reconciliation as an Act of Collective Atonement

Reconciliation in systemic constellation is not only a personal matter; it is a family-wide concern. Hellinger argues that unresolved past traumas continue to affect not just individuals, but the entire family system. If a trauma remains unhealed, it is carried forward into future generations, who are then left to uncover and resolve it.

Systemic constellation offers a chance for this kind of collective atonement. The process of acknowledging past traumas and accepting the roles of one’s ancestors is critical for reconciliation. When a family finally recognizes the traumas of its past, it can move toward a state of peace—ultimately granting future generations freedom from the psychological burdens of that past.

6. Systemic Constellation in Practice

Systemic constellation is conducted through an experiential process in which participants serve as representatives for family members—whether those members are living or deceased—and reenact the relationships among them. Through this guided enactment, hidden dynamics between victims and perpetrators are brought to light and acknowledged. The result of this recognition is a movement toward reconciliation: the victim releases their pain, and the perpetrator is enabled to take responsibility for their role.

This kind of constellation work vividly reveals how the traumas of previous generations continue to influence the present. By openly acknowledging and accepting this reality, members of the family can move toward a state of reconciliation and healing.

Conclusion

The interplay between perpetrators and victims is one of the most central—and often controversial—aspects of systemic constellation theory. Hellinger’s work demonstrates that the wounds created by these relationships do not simply vanish; instead, they are frequently passed down to later generations, affecting family members in ways those individuals might not consciously understand. Reconciliation between perpetrators and victims is crucial for shedding the psychological burdens of the past and achieving a state of inner peace and emotional freedom.

This process of reconciliation is essential not only for the healing of individuals in the present, but also for liberating future generations from burdens they have unconsciously inherited. Through recognition and acceptance of reality, members of a family system can find peace and move forward into a state of psychological and emotional freedom.

Source: The River Never Looks Back by Ursula Franke.